:: INFINITY-azieee ::

Tuesday, May 24, 2011 ' ♥

the ended story; Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I'm tired with all these shit! No matter how far i tried to avoid you, we will still end up to square one.. How long does it takes to break off from this cycle? Mixed feelings.. I tried to move on but every little steps that i took, your presence pulled me back.. I really wanna know what am i to you? am not putting any high hopes as usual.. You are so sweet and caring towards me and i appreciate that.. am i too naive to keep giving you chance after chance? Eventhough i know u're gonna break my heart again.. People keep telling me to think wisely.. My heart can't seems to make the decision.. I'm too weak when i'm with you.. I believe in giving people another chance to mend their ways.. But am i making the right choice?

Ya allah, betapa besarnya dugaan yang kau berikan terhadapku? Bilakah semua ini akan berakhir? aku tak berdaya lagi untuk menghadapi semua ini.. kalau betul dia jodohku, aku terima.. tapi jika dia bukan jodohku, kau tolong berikan ku petunjuk.. cukup la selama ini aku bertarung dengan perasaan ku sendiri untuk lupakannya.. dan ia bukan sesuatu yang mudah.. kuatkan la diriku ini ya allah..

Its not easy being me.. Some of you may envy me.. Yes, i do idol chase and mixing around with them.. But all of it is just fantasy and not my reality.. Kita harus berpijak dibumi yang nyata.. Yes, we can dream, but we have to dream logically.. Jangan bermimpi or berangan kepada perkara yang kita sudah tau kita tak akan mendapatkannya.. How long do you want your life to be if you continue on that way? I may look okay from the outside but in the actual fact, i'm not.. am the type of person who do not like to show my inner feelings to public.. Selama mungkin aku terdaya untuk pendam, aku akan pendam.. This is me.. Biar la aku merana sendirian, jangan orang lain yang merana.. aku selalu mengorbankan kebahagiaan aku demi orang lain walaupun hati sendiri yang terluka.. I don't give a damn on my own feelings and i feel bad about it.. aku cuma mampu berserah, tapi sampai bila? I'm sick and tired of all these guessing games.. can someone help me stop all these once and for all? :'(

"tuhan tolong nyatakanlah,

padanya tentang cinta,

adakah masih diriku diperlukan..

tuhan tunjuklah padanya

tentang apa yang ku fikirkan,

adakah cinta ini perlu untuk

dirinya...."

*Dear abang has left us early Monday morning.. He's gonna be away for 2 weeks.. Be safe there abang.. Do take care and we'll see you on the 19th.. Don't forget us okay? #SASAFC miss you many many! <3